September 6, 2006
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Two Mini Crusades
Mini Crusade 1: While going canoeing this weekend with Royal Rangers (Laura, I've given your comments lots of thought!), I was talking with a doctor from Michigan about a number of things. One of the questions that I asked him was about obesity and his practice as a doctor since I've read a lot about the impact of obesity on other health factors and longevity. He said that quite often he will advise that people lose 15 or 20 lbs. along with his other recommendations, but he had a bit more fatalistic attitude about weight. He said that at my age, if I'm fat, I'll be fat when I'm older. If I'm thin, I'll be fat when I'm older. He is borderline morbidly obese himself, but he hardly looks overweight because he has the less common (for men) pear shape. He's in some of my pictures, but you can imagine. What about all the skinny old people? I never asked...
At any rate, his greater concern is about the psychological stress of obesity with people being preoccupied with their weight and feeling the burden of their weight in a much different way than what I've seen in the newspaper. It struck me and reminded me of my own Xanga site. So, I've taken down the ticker at the top, because I'm going to be happy with my weight no matter what it is because it's one less thing that anyone needs to worry about, much less me! While I would certainly encourage everyone to downsize their diets, I would even more strongly want people to be happy with their appearances and not be preoccupied with looking like anyone else. I'm happy with how I look, even if I can't hang onto 150 lbs. Apparently this is neither because of my smashing good looks nor my perfect physique because models and actors the world over seem to be torn up by this more than the less attractive rest of us.
Mini Crusade 2: Infertility. If I found out tomorrow that I am shooting blanks and could never have a kid (love how it's sire for a male?), it would not disappoint me. Yet for many people, it's agonizing. People try desperately for years to have a child "of their own" without blinking twice at the thousands of dollars that it costs for drugs or operations. I was on a plane next to someone about to fly to Russia with $15,000 strapped to his body in cash, ready to bribe his way through the legal system. You could easily spend twice that on an operation. That's nuts. There are millions of kids who need homes and millions of places to put that money besides the hands of Russian bureaucrats or fertility doctors.
Am I missing something? Am I not feeling the pain that people go through with this process? Why do many couples opt for a decades-long marathon event to have a child of their own, often with many failures along the way, when they could quietly adopt a child or two or three or four? There is no way that I would try to be super-papa Nick and force something to happen to the exclusion of the kids already suffering on this earth. It makes no sense, yet it seems impossible to say to someone who is tearing up because they are unable to have a kid.
These both may go right back to being an infant. For Mini Crusade 1, parents are continually misdiagnosing their crying baby as being hungry and addressing every cry and discomfort with a spoonful.
For Mini Crusade 2, perhaps we are ingraining people with a pressure to go to college, meet their spouse there, start successful jobs, have a baby together, and raise a perfect little family of identical kids to dress in identical outfits and parade in front of everyone. Both cases, we've got a population trained to self-medicate with food for boredom, fatigue, sadness, etc while feeling pressure to look slim and have kids of their own.Well here I go bucking that trend. Take that Jenny Craig and creatine, I'm gonna be my own man.
I suppose another picture would be nice.
I like how these cedar waxwings turned out too. Look left! Look right!
Bugs.
More bugs.
I call this, "Flowers Over Canoes"
The sun going down or, "Sunset"
The moon coming up or "Moonrise"
My favorite part of the Mecan River.
Before the sun comes up or "Predawn"
As the sun comes up or "Dawn" as some say.
It's not every day that I have photo releases for a large group of people, so here I feel comfortable posting people pictures.
This is Forgets-a-Lot from the Frontiersman camp. Quite photogenic.
This is Joe after using a sweet Photoshop plug-in called GEM Airbrush. He nearly looks womanly in this picture. In a manly way, of course.
Lotsa links on my del.icio.us page.
And having made this entry in Xanga's new editor, I can officially say that it is not conducive to posting pictures! You can find thousands of my pictures on Picasa where it is incredibly easy to crop, tweak, and post them. Check them out here.
Comments (10)
I think we should start a TheologiansCafe style contest here.
FIRST!!
(ridiculously lengthy comment coming later. after you get a few more. i just wanted to be first.)
Kristen will always be first to comment on here. She just wants to remind us she's kind of a big deal. Which she is. I still don't like that phrase though
I'll say smurfy instead.
SO! I will actually attempt to make a serious comment...stop laughing!
I think one crucial element to the "having my own biological kid" issue is that of keeping your bloodline going. What I mean by that is, if I can use myself as an example, I would love to have my own kid(s) someday, largely because I'm the last male of my line.
My mom's parents had one son to carry their name. He had no kids and he's no longer with us, so only the brothers my grandpa had can carry on that last name.
*realizing he needs to check his family tree sometime*
My dad's parents had two sons.
. While I have nothing against adopting at some point, I do want at least one son (frightening thought, but I'm dealing with it!) to keep the family name, and yes, DNA, going.
My Uncle Dave had one biological kid. As she is female and of the relatively conservative persuasion as far as I know, if she marries, I'm sure she'll change her name.
And then there's my dad, who had me. I really want to carry my weird genetic material on to another kid. My very own kid who can grow up to be weird and screwed up in the same way I was
That said, if I were not able to have my own son (through my problems or the wife's...what, it could be her! Stop looking at me like that!) I don't think I could spend thousands of bucks trying to "correct" that problem. If God sees fit to let the wife and I have our own kids, then great! If not, He's got a reason. I went to school with a guy whose mom was told she could never have kids. She had 3, starting with my classmate.
It would bother me, at least for a time, that I wouldn't be able to have a son of my own because I've wanted one for a long time (I'm 22, and I'm talking about "a long time?" Yes, as an infant, I often contemplated starting a family of my own). While the idea of having a male kid like me running around scares the crap outta me right now, when I'm married and in reasonable control of a job and home life, I'll feel differently. I'm in college right now; kids are not on my immediate agenda!
Keep in mind, my mom already put "the curse" on my first kid. That one every parent puts on their kid. If you're reading this and don't know "the curse", leave a comment on my site and I'll go into detail. Anyway, she put "the curse" on my kid already, and I'm still willing to endure putting up with a small over-energetic version of myself. I think that curse scares some people off. I rather like it. With my own kid, I already know how their mind works...to some extent at least. There would be the wife's half of the mind at work too...and that part I may never figure out...but I'll have fun trying!
OK, "serious" post done. I'm outta here.
Oh yeah...and BEAT THAT KRISTEN!!!
I definitely see what David means. My paternal grandfather was one of two brothers, each had one son. My father's cousin died in the late 80's. My father has one son.... Nathan needs to reproduce, not any time soon mind you, but the family would like the name furthered.
The women on both sides of my family have all had fertility problems. Obviously they have reproduced successfully, otherwise I wouldn't be typing this entry. But it is a concern of mine, being a single girl of 21. This should not be in the top ten things I worry about list, but it is (along with mini crusade number one, which SHOULD be). I know I don't have the best genes... but I just found out I look just like my great-grandmother Caroline (Franke) Linstroth... I want my kids to be able to figure who they look like. But I know I would adopt needy children here first before I go over seas (the adoption system here is difficult though, since many children are actually in foster care, with a goal of family reunification....topic for another time another place).
*Aparently males can test their fertility at home, just like women can test if they're pregnant... WALGREENS HAS 'EM.*
A Child Of Your Own is a beautiful thing. (Beautiful is the biggest word I can pull out of my brain at this moment; it's actually much bigger than "beautiful," but my head still hurts from the 'flu.) Still, you're right, being completely obsessed with getting your body to do something it's just not meant to do is... crazy -- especially considering those already-living-breathing-starving children. Life doesn't stop in its tracks until you Have a Kid, just like Life doesn't stop in its tracks until you Get Married.
Your bird captions made me laugh.
Well. I will try to comment without this turning into a rant, but as for the infertility thing, I most definitely think you are missing something. Exactly what that something is, I can't say for sure, but I really believe that the desire for biological children runs far deeper than social stereotypes and the pursuit of the dubious American dream. I think there is something god-given built into our psyches that drives us at a very basic level to reproduce. I am sure that not everyone will feel the same urgent need to produce biological children, but for most people there is some indefinable drive to do so, at least at some point in their life. I would not be surprised if even you experience this at some point a few years down the road. Pardon my ageist stereotyping, but people in their early 20s don't usually feel the pressure like an 35 or 40 year old couple with no children, and years of struggle weighing on them (or not), not to mention the spectre of their "golden years" ahead with no children or grandchildren to enliven that time and, let's face it, take care of them when they get old. I believe that is the way God intended for this life to work out, and in my opinion, that accounts for a good measure of that indescribable lust for children.
I also think it is unfair and insensitive to say that these people "don't blink twice" at spending thousands of dollars on fertility treatments. The decision to pursue fertility treatment is often a gut-wrenching, soul-searching decision, particularly for Christian couples. Some people decided against it, and some go through with it, but either way, the emotional toll is huge. The percentage of failed fertility treatments is very high, so often that money is more or less "wasted". I don't know if you were trying to say that spending that money is not justified in the face of all the parentless children in the world or not. Maybe it's not, but adoption is often a pricey, equally emotionally devastating pursuit as well. I have two separate family members that have or are in the process of adopting from China for somewhat different reasons. That costs anywhere from $13,000 to $20,000 or more, per child. It's not cheap. The low-cost alternative is to become foster parents and adopt local children who have been placed in state custody, but many people who have already struggled with the heartache of years of infertility (in one of my family member's cases, almost 20 years), are not willing to take on such a risky deal. The likelihood of a local adoption falling through is much higher. You hear those stories all the time.
But anyway, blah blah blah. I ended up preaching anyway. I guess if anything, I would hope that you would realize that this is a very complicated issue, whether or not you ultimately agree with or understand the desires of others. Maybe I should appologize, but I don't feel very appologetic. Apparently, you hit a hot button for me. On the other hand, I more or less agree with you on the first topic. And now it is almost time for me to go home from work. Thanks for the distraction.
I love your pix... and the RR album was great. Spencer Lake is one of the best places on earth! And the Crystal River trip is so fun. The pic of the dam by the Red Mill brought back memories. My brothers and I used to tie a rope to the railing and "water ski" below the dam! It was Glen's idea... (walkalongside's husband). A bit reckless, I have to admit, as the current was very strong, but we sure had a good time, even if I did almost drown there.
Mini Crusade 1: I think it's fine if you don't watch your weight because you are at an optimal weight. Not everyone has the luxury to just forget about it though. Even if (or when) I get to my goal weight I will still constantly think about it. Why? Because I've been brought up in a society that obsesses over external beauty, as defined by air brushed models and actresses. Your immediate family is all thin, yet they talk about weight and calories and fear of weight gain a lot. So if people who have no weight issues at all are fretting, how is it even possible to expect those who do struggle with obtaining or maintaining a healthy weight to be happy as they are?
Mini Crusade 2: I agree completely. I think infertility fears and subsequent treatments are very "me focused". I dislike the entire argument that bearing children is a God-given desire that if unfulfilled leaves a couple feeling empty. I do believe there is a natural desire to have children and to be a part of a family unit, but should it really matter if that child shares your genes? The idea that a couple can't love an adopted child like a biological child makes about as much sense as a couple being unable to love a child because it was born through C-section as opposed to a "normal" vaginal birth. In the end - it just doesn't matter - it might sound harsh, but it's all in your head.
I think I would take this even a step further and ask the question why couples who have no fertility problems so readily jump into having a biological child when they're ready to have a family. Why not at least consider accepting a child that is already in the world and just waiting for a good home? It's expensive, but so are houses and cars. People find money for things that they really want or believe in.
That was a thought provoking post...
Regarding your pictures - I love the Sunset and Moonrise ones. Good job!
I can't NOT support this ridiculously long post with a ridiculously long comment.
Mini Crusade 1: I agree with Esther here, that it's easier to just love and enjoy your body the way it's made when it's made to a more "socially acceptable" standard. I probably buy into society's ideas too much, but I tell you what ~ I feel and look a heck of a lot better now than I did a year ago, and I think you'd agree
It's hard to see the look in the eyes of people who have predetermined that I must be lazy, stupid, inarticulate, and worthless, merely because I enjoy food 
Instead of changing them, I choose to change what they see in me ~ because I prefer to be valued for my personality, not my tummy.
I must say, though, that this has become a less touchy subject for me, the more weight I lose...I am less defensive and angry about it...which I think speaks to your doctor friend's point about psychological stress. Nevermind the stress that extra weight puts on bones, muscles, heart, etc....it's HUGELY stressful in interpersonal relationships! "Maybe he doesn't want to be seen with me because I'm fat..." ... "She'd be a better friend if only I wasn't so FAT..." etc. My solution: cigarettes, nicotine, and no food. Eh?? Eh?? (Just kidding. That's just a joke, people.)
Mini Crusade 2: I couldn't agree more! And although I suspect that I may be extremely fertile (three week cycles! ack! TMI?) I will almost certainly choose to adopt instead. There are so many children in need of good homes (insert rant about the legality of homosexual couples adopting here) that some archaic notion about "carrying on the family name" seems selfish and narcissistic (sorry, David). So my daughter will have black hair and an Asian face, but she will be no less the daughter of my mind and soul, the product of my (and, theoretically, my husband's) teachings and morals...and all of that will be over, someday, and she will fly away and become her own person, just as surely as if I had given birth to her. Is the point of "having children" just to make little mini-YOU-people? I think not.
And, Nick, dear...LOVELY pictures. The bird captions are hilarious...ok, well, all the captions are pretty good. "I like to call this one...dirt. On the ground." Joe has fantastic eyelashes, it runs in the family. And I'm still mighty jealous of your camera.
And I'm not even proofreading this before submitting it. *crosses fingers*
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