May 8, 2006
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I wrote an e-mail to a college friend of mine last week. He had died on February 3rd in a hiking accident in Colorado while he was out by himself and found the next day by searchers. While going through my e-mail contacts, I ran across his name and paused - then wrote a little note. The sad part was when it bounced back saying his account was shutdown due to inactivity. Hello, someone needs to work on that automatic e-mail.
It strikes me how people think of deceased people. Some say "my dad is...." when, of course, it ought to be "my dad was..." But you can't correct them when it's how they think of someone. Yet I wonder what is a healthy way to think of people who are no longer with us. In one culture, you are to act as if the person never existed, removing any reference of them and never speaking of them again. Compared to an Egyptian pyramid, we've got quite a contrast.
Do you wish you could say something to someone who's died? Do you think they can hear you?
Comments (8)
Interesting that you bring this up today. I had a long discussion with a co-worker about how she goes to the store every year and spends time picking out the Mother's Day card she would send to her mother if she were still alive. Though I've never lost anyone really close to me, it helps me understand the grief process and how important remembering them - in whatever form it takes - is.
I read your entry about the Royal Rangers Award. Is Brian Schmid still running things in WNMD? Do you know the Adamsons?
I've managed to avoid death, mostly, in my life. I know only a couple of dead people.
I once wrote a long post about how memory is the province of the dead--how the dead continue to hold sway over the living. I meant that as a good thing. We should listen to the dead. We will all be dead someday, and will want to be listened to in our turn.
But life is for the living. And speaking of: Wilco is playing Milwaukee on July 5. I'll be there unless I'm dead. And even then, who knows.
Being from a small family, I haven't had a lot of death to deal with. I definately I could've said one last thing to them all though.
good, thought-provoking question. i've often raged internally at my father, but never did i think i was actually talking to him or that he was listening. i never wanted to kid myself that he was around in ANY way, i think because i wanted him to be so much that i wouldn't accept any form less than corporeal....if that makes sense.
sorry about your friend in Colorado, btw.
and how sad that someone couldn't work on that little email glitch...
and for no good reason, i like you, and have a good day.
Occasionally I've had moments where while I was talking to my Dad - I really felt he could hear me.
I've wrestled with this question since high school. One of the coolest/creepiest things that set my mind in this regard: I was praying one night and God spoke to me.
"By the way, Christina says hi."
I just re-read my comment. Wanted to clarify....there's plenty of good reasons to like you
just a random time for me to TELL you, that's all....
yup, we should be friends.
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