March 22, 2005

  • How do I let things like this happen. Whenever things get over-analyzed
    in my life, they belly up and die on me. Always with girls. Always
    lately. Why why why.... I could walk you through 100 examples of this
    in the past 10 months, but I'll spare you.

    Part two: It's curious how I wish but don't wish I was better looking. How do you figure, Nick? I figure that I'm not bad looking but not the best looking
    either. Which is fine. Actually, perfectly fine, and I should be happy
    with that. So like 90% of the world, I figure I'm above average. But I see my brothers, all three of them. Two are male models.
    Literally, have/had jobs as models and/or acting. Joe just gets cast in
    great roles for plays and never got into modeling. But he's a stud, I
    know that. The effect of this: lots of female attention from equally
    fantastic looking women. Hehe, we framed pictures of Perry's girlfriends and hung them on the wall!

    So I recognize that I'm not in that league. And I'm a little jealous.
    But what league am I in? There's no answer to that...leagues don't
    really exist. And I'm not looking for any compliments except from Pete.
    But I'm thankful for how I look, especially as I see troubled lives of
    people that are able to get by with their smashing good looks. And now
    I'll stop starting sentences with conjuctions!

    In Chi Alpha last week, we actually talked a little about this. Okay, I
    talked about it a lot since I can't shut up. Unfortunately, they can't
    scroll past this like you can! We talked about how someone's physical
    appearance is more of a projection of our inner visage than we may
    readily believe or accept. Six layers of foundation won't fix a frown.
    How beautiful a genuine smile is! How beautiful it is when someone's
    heart is just glowing wth love beamed direct from God. It's awesome.


    When I walk into the Business Administration building of my school, I'm
    either wearing work clothes (on the left) or my preppy business attire (Frat-boy
    look, as it's been called). In my work clothes with my name emblazoned
    on my chest, I get a lot of stares as in, "the tree you're supposed to
    climb is outside, you nummy" and other double-takes. With a good preppy
    outfit as picked out by my sister Beth, though, I get checked out
    and how. It's really funny, honestly. I can do the same thing walking
    through the hallway. Smile at a girl. In uniform? She looks away.
    Dressed "well"? She smiles, sometimes a smile and a lock. Interesting
    and puzzling and disheartening all at the same time.

    Where is this coming from? Most recently, things are stemming partly
    from a certain brother of mine who is dating a very beautiful girl. Ack!
    This is going to be so childish and emo and bloggish and everything I
    don't want it to be! I haven't found a girl in years that he thought
    was beautiful. So I'm just not in his league.... See above.


    I joined Xanga Premium. My IntelliMouse battery has lasted over 100 days.

Comments (4)

  • So you verbalized what unfortunately many guys, although believers, seem to think - that it's all about having a beautiful girl that is impressive to show off. It's frustrating to be honest because of anyone, solid Christian guys shouldn't be that way... it should be about finding the right person that will help both of you be better people, closer to God.. and able to more fully carry out the Great Commission.

    Maybe I'm just being wishful or naive... but that's what I thought it was about.

  • It is about that.

    A showcase girl? No. Someone I'm attracted to? Yes. Because I can't be, as Josh McDowell says, more holy than God and think I can stick it out with someone to whom I'm not attracted. To me, it's not all about personality. It's personality and intelligence and a love for God and attractiveness and well, I don't think that's too much to start with.

    In saying what I did, I exposed some flaws in myself that I can't/won't defend because they're not worth having. They include: seeking acceptance/fear that I'm underachieving/self-image struggles/etc. Praying about all of that.

    I really like one thing that you implied. That the one-and-one combination equals something greater than its parts. To find someone like that...that would be the real deal.

  • That was "emo" and "bloggish," but if you're not speaking your mind, then what's the point of having a blog?  eh?

    I feel your pain - I'm plain ol' jane in a family of beauties.  (Yet - God is good! - I find myself happily married to a wonderful man who treats me like The Queen of Sheba.)  So I read your original post and figure: you're normal.  Now, upon reading your follow-up comment, I'm convinced you're normal + cool.  Er, not cool.  ... intelligent.

    Because I am a "girl," I felt a trifle Put Out when my husband told me that it is about appearance / attractiveness.  (Huh.  I always supposed he loved me because of my charm and grace.  )  ...  A A Milne, in The Ugly Duckling: "If a girl is beautiful, it is easy to assume that she has, tucked away inside her, an equally beautiful character. But if an unattractive girl, however elevated in character, has tucked away inside her an equally beautiful face, that is, so to speak, not where you want it. ...tucked away."  Truth is, we are more apt to take the time to seek beautiful character in people we are initially physically attracted to.  Take it or leave it, there it is.  (Good news, though: beauty IS in the eye of the beholder.)

    While Clothes don't necessarily Make The Man, the way a man clothes himself does provide insight to how he percieves himself.  Hence the attention when you are well dressed.  And... maybe? ... men in work clothes are usually responsible older men with families to support.  Perhaps the looking-away girls suppose you are "taken."

  • Thank you for that! You really did capture it.

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